By Cynthia Bauman

"Just go inside—your answers are within."

I hated that phrase.  If I read one more self-help book that promised Nirvana after convincing my reflection in the mirror that I was famous, had a million dollars, and could leap tall buildings with a single bound, if I would only fumble along an unmarked trail leading into the emptiness—I was going to explode.  In fact, when I first read the words from Mother Mary in Adorata: The Path of Enlovement, suggesting that Her treasures were within, I threw the book against the wall in a fit of rage.

A snapshot of that moment:

• I was enmeshed in a relationship with an abusive man, who had Borderline Personality Disorder.
• I was homeless, living in a friend’s garage.
• I was a single mother, with a child with special needs, whom I could not put into daycare.
• I had no money and no job.
• I had no family nearby to support me.

But how could that have happened to me? I had graduated Cum Laude with a B.A. in Psychology from a respected school in New York.  I then moved to Los Angeles to break into the Film and TV industry without any nepotism for a leg up, and ended up working for the top grossing producers of that time.  I was an intelligent, creative, resourceful, talented and beautiful woman, with a very bright future, and everyone knew it.

So, I didn’t want to hear, one more friggin’ time, that if I just went inside, that everything would be just fine.  I felt like screaming, “Would somebody just give me the instructions!?  Just tell me how to do it, because the damn door is locked!” 

Things were definitely—not—fine. 

This was my dark night of the soul.  It was out of desperation that I decided to have a session with Tiziana. I wanted her to give me a psychic reading and tell me what to do to get out of this mess. I had already tried every practical solution under the sun, and nothing had worked.  Now, it was time for someone who could see beyond this physical reality, to tell me how to do it.

Her response: “Well, that’s… not exactly how I work.”

That was the first day of my true journey inward.  Finally, finally, I was given the practical tools I had been searching for, to lead me into the depths of my own being. Using the method of Descent and Enlovement, I began to find the keys to unlock those “doors”, one at a time.  I began to understand that the utter devastation of my external life had nothing at all to do with my intelligence, or my worthiness, but rather, was a reflection of the painful relationship between my inner male and inner female.  I discovered how patterns in my lineage and in my childhood had caused them to get that way in the first place.  But mostly, I discovered how to help them transform, and as they did, so did my life. 

Snapshot of today:

• I am the Owner/CEO of a company that produces written material for the web and print.
• I have a private practice as a certified Adorata Practitioner, where I help others to transform their own painful patterns.
• I have a beautiful home in a loving and supportive community.
• I ended a 10-year, abusive relationship.
• I have a deeper understanding of my true nature, and how to express it in the world.
• I feel deeply loved

So, what have I gotten out of Adorata?

My life.

It can certainly still be hard, but I now have a compass. And if the compass gets buried, I have the shovel to dig it up.  And if the handle of the shovel breaks, I can use my own hands, my own will, my own connection with God, to mend it, and find my way again. I have, in effect, found my answers within.

Cynthia Bauman is a Certified Adorata Practitioner. She can be reached at cynthia@adorata.org